Sunday, October 10, 2021

New to Ethiopian Politics? We are Here to Help.

 

Ethiopian Politics: The Ultimate Primer

There are a few people new to Ethiopian politics who have asked us for guidance on what’s really happening. This has meant summoning  Wonqette’s Ethiopian Politics Expert Bureau Chiefess to provide a general background. In a few clicks, you, too, can keep up with the conversation at the next Alfalfa Club dinner—it might be 2023, but you never know.   

Ethiopia has been in the news a lot these days. You know this because Declan Walsh has had a ton of articles in the New York Times telling all of us about his adventures and how the Nobel Peace Prize-winning Prime Minister of Ethiopia… smh, has sadly turned out to be a bad boy.

Declan is an intrepid reporter. He is many lifetimes ahead of everybody. So ahead that he made child soldiers the must-have accessory of 2021. Some people (of course Canadians!), think child soldiers should not be glorified. But Declan has photos and, excuse you, the correct term is “motivated young fighters.”

And because you are probably a Nick Kristoff kind of reader, you have probably heard about how Ethiopia is committing a lot of unchecked  genocide. And you would have by now heard about an outfit who is bravely standing up to the Ethiopian government. That outfit is called the TPLF.

Curiously, the TPLF has been deemed a terrorist organization by the Ethiopian government. What?! But TPLF is Declan Walsh’s favorite underdog, you say? A rag-tag team that came from nothing and rose up to annihilate the massive Ethiopian army with sticks and stones, you say? Then let’s all agree that the terrorist designation is just… overreach? How can the TPLF not be an underdog when it had only ruled the country for 27 years and had amassed only a few hundreds of millions of dollars? People, perspective.   

Allow us to help sort out the confusion. All the TPLF wants is world peace, and also to dance on rainbows, and also to fight until everyone owns a pet unicorn. Its largesse includes introducing these concepts to neighbors and spreading the good word.

So why is the Ethiopian government being so mean? Remember, pet unicorns.

Ugh. This brings us to Ethiopian PM, Abiy Ahmed. So stubborn! Churlish. Insubordinate. Gen X’ers, amirite? Recently he, get this, kicks out seven UN diplomats from the country as if he has the right. Can you even?? The United Nations, folks. All they want to do is capture the unicorns for TPLF. Sure the UN misplaced a few trucks on the way, but who among us has not lost 400+ trucks? Picky, picky, picky. Back in March, the UN had warned the world just how problematic Abiy was going to be. But no one listens to the United Nations.

And the Prime Minister is indeed a problematic character. He believes in the climate hoax. He grabs power like President Trump grabs other things. He thinks women should work. He is upsetting fearlessly reckless CNN reporter Nima Elbagir. And the US has just about had it with him! No one in Africa likes him! Heck, everyone in Ethiopia hates him. How can anyone like a guy with no vision? We told you, problematic.

We have covered a lot for one lesson on Ethiopian Politics 101. Time to yoga so all this knowledge stays inside. Make sure to sign up for the second session to learn more—fun stuff. Will the US throw a drink in Ethiopia’s face and scream, “You don’t know me like that!”? Will the MSM fall in love with Abiy? Will the TPLF get caught kissing a unicorn with Representative Chris Smith in an Information Laundering booth

No, thank you for your interest in Ethiopian Politics 101.

Wednesday, June 23, 2021

The New York Times Wants to Start a New War: Part 1

Declan Walsh’s piece on Ethiopian elections in The New York Times reminded me so much of Times’  reporting (especially Judith Miller’s) about the Iraq war. For those of you too young, The New York Times parroted much of the Bush administration’s line about WMDs in Iraq and beat the drums of war. The main source Miller used to churn out story after story was Ahmed Challabi, a slimy self-serving Iraqi diaspora who ended up “…an indicted fraudster and one of the leading figures in the Iraqi National Congress (INC), the group keen to militarily overthrow Saddam.

This piece in the Sydney Morning Dispatch, The New York Times' Role in Promoting War on Iraq, has a detailed play-by-play.


Let's start with a truism the article quotes: 

 

One of the most entrenched and disturbing features of American journalism [is] its pack mentality. Editors and journalists don’t like to diverge too sharply from what everyone else is writing.” Michael Massing, The New York Review of Books, February 26, 2004

 

Judith Miller was no novice. She was a seasoned, Pulitzer Prize-winning reporter. And yet, “Miller relied on untested defectors’ testimonies (usually provided by Chalabi) to write several front-page stories on this information. Michael Massing from Columbia Journalism Review suggests her stories were “far too reliant on sources sympathetic to the (Bush) administration". This included Cheney, it later turned out, who fed her stories she didn’t really vet, and then farcically Cheney would go onto Sunday morning news shows to say things like, “According to The New York Times…”  

 

Fun days.

 

And so, under the respectable banner of The Gray Lady, a war was manufactured, hundreds of thousands of lives were destroyed, billions of dollars squandered and… let’s look at Iraq now.

 

Something similar is happening to Ethiopia these days. Most of the coverage of Ethiopia follows a familiar formula. The Biden Administration has a big beef with Abiy Ahmed—the shiny African who is not doing what it wants him to do. More on this later. Abiy Ahmed, mid-40s and has the kind of confidence that the West is not really used to, managed to decimate TPLF, a truly odious group led by plutocrats and ethnic mongers.  

 

And then it was on.

 

The Chalabis in this case are TPLF dissidents in the diaspora who have not managed to reconcile that they are truly out of power after 27 years. And like Chalabi, they want regime change. And also like Chalabi, they have a deep connection to well-heeled lobbyists. The first order of business was to protest the presence of Eritrean forces in Northern Ethiopia, and like clockwork screamed bloody murder about genocide. Genocide? The same thing that happened in Rwanda? Did the definition of genocide change since I went to law school?

 

Then of course if the matter of obfuscating the fact that the TPLF actually massacred Ethiopian Defense Forces stationed in Northern Ethiopia which started the war. You can go through a thousand articles and not even find a couple of paragraphs, heck sentences, on this. A Chalabiesque move. Guess who was defending the Tigray region from Eritrea? Ethiopian National Defense forces. And guess who the TPLF attacked-- not just attacked but distinguished non-Tigrayans and then slaughtered them, some while they were sleeping? Ethiopian Defense Forces. Where in this world, anywhere, would a government not be expected to defend itself?

 

Soon after, it was an avalanche of sorts. Raping, starvation, then even chemical weapons. (Even the TPLF knew it had gone too far with that one.) Jeff Pearce has an excellent article on this here.

 

The "outrage" from the Biden administration has been a complete farce. It resembles the pre-emptive kabash former Attorney Bill Barr threw on the Muller Report before it came out and all of a sudden Trump had to learn how to pronounce quid pro quo. 


Let's not please kid a kidder. The US has not given a rat's ass about ethnic cleansing or human rights violations when the TPLF was doing it with magnificent aplomb. The US had a high tolerance for that—the TPLF had been mowing down Ethiopians for a while with impunity. But I am more interested in how easily our journalists fall in line when it comes to stories about people of color; how easily they are willing to believe that Africans are killing each other in the wilderness, so sayeth the State Department; and none of it merits deep analysis or thoughtful reporting.

 

Which brings us back to Walsh’s piece—which I hope will be taught in journalism schools everywhere in the near future.

 

The title screams in part, “From Nobel Hero to Driver of War…” That again. A familiar trope in lazy journalism. I wonder if Abiy had fallen in line it would have read something like, “How a Nobel Peace Price Winner is Grappling with a War he was Forced Into.”

 

So let’s do this, old-ET Wonqette-style:

 

…a senior American envoy flew to the Ethiopian capital last month in the hope of persuading Prime Minister Abiy Ahmed to pull his country out of a destructive spiral that many fear is tearing it apart.

 

In an era where we are hyper-vigilant about White Savior Complex, how un-self-aware do you have to be to sit in front of your computer, crack your knuckles and type those words without meaning them ironically?

 

So Declan Walsh’s story starts. Area man concerned that African guy is destroying his own country makes trip to the continent to say, “Young man, do you even know you are on a destructive spiral? And now I have to come all this way and miss a private Beach Boys Zoom concert to tell you, stop this malarkey!  

 

And instead of showing any sign of contrition, Abiy Ahmed cued up Kendrick Lamar, rolled his Zilli sunglasses and packed the envoy into an SUV. What followed is not in any way satirized.  Here is the scene: American envoy flies to Addis, has some stern words for the country's leader, annnnnd go: 

 

Mr. Abiy, though, wanted to go for a drive.

 

Taking the wheel, the Ethiopian leader took his American guest, the Biden administration’s Horn of Africa envoy, Jeffrey D. Feltman, on an impromptu four-hour tour of Addis Ababa, American officials said. The prime minister drove him past smart new city parks and a refurbished central plaza and even crashed a wedding where the two men posed for photos with the bride and groom.

 Can we all sit with this for a moment?

Do you know what just happened? Abiy took Jeffrey D. Feltman, newly appointed to a position called U.S. special envoy for Horn of Africa, for a ride. Literally and figuratively. He then said to him, "Jeffrey, you ever seen an Ethiopian wedding? Come with me." And then, like a goddamed scene in Wedding Crashers, he has Jeffrey D-Hell Is Going On Feltman take selfies with the bride and groom.  The savagery of that burn clearly was an affront not just to Mr. Feltman, but to bros like Mr. Declan Walsh everywhere.   

 Moving on-- but only because I need to. (And $1 million dollars to whoever makes that photo public.)

Mr. Abiy’s attempt to change the channel, showcasing economic progress while parts of his country burned…

Firstly, aww. Good old infantilizing. When patronizing just doesn’t do it for you anymore; and b) *Don Corleone voice* “I come to your stinkin’ country to save you… to extend my hand in friendship… to help you ged-rid of these fires burning in this shithole, see if our families can come to an agreement and you… you treat me like a fuckin’ tourist who’s never seen a building? Wazzamadderwitchyoo?”

Mr. Feltman, it should be known, spoke at the funeral of one of Ethiopia’s most brutal leaders, Meles Zenawi, who came into power as leader of the TPLF. (Mr. Feltman for some reason called him “Zeless Menawi.” (1:44) At his funeral, Jeffrey?! The man is not in the ground yet and you fumble his name at his funeral??) 

Mr. Feltman went on to call… Zeless an impressive statesman and, wait for it, a skilled mediator. This is the same statesman who when he lost elections in 2005 reigned terror on the country and then said ‘neverrrrrmind’ and went on to win subsequent elections by a margin of 100 and 99%? That guy? And all of a sudden Mr. Feltman is too good to be dragged around Addis and crash weddings? I don’t want to live in this world.

Declan, wow us some more.

The West, eager for a glittering success story in Africa, was wowed, and within 18 months Mr. Abiy, a one-time intelligence officer, had been awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.

If grandiose writing were avocado toast, it would not get any more avocado-toastier than this. It’s not all about you, people. And joking aside, this is actually a loaded phrase and very telling of the West’s co-dependency problem about its God-given right to have and anoint leaders who they can point to at cocktail parties and say, “Look what we made in African Leader-Making Camp. Nice, uh? Bonus: he’s also articulate.” (Looking at you Bill Clinton. Tony Blair.)  

And then Judith Miller takes over.

Mr. Abiy’s forces have been accused of massacres, sexual assault and ethnic cleansing.   

And there it is, the “Iraq has WMDs” of sentences, casually written without any substantiation, repeated without even an attempt to qualify that most of these accusations have come from TPLF sympathizers whose main goal is to come back into power.

Mr. Walsh, I do believe you have been Chalabi-scized.

Elsewhere in Ethiopia, ethnic violence has killed hundreds and forced two million people to flee their homes. 

Perhaps a deeper understanding of this is warranted. Ethiopia had never had this kind of ethnic division in her history. To the point that we now have Internally Displaced People. And the number is much higher than that. This, Mr. Walsh should know, is directly because of the TPLF, who under the pretense of giving marginalized people a voice, spent the last 30 years fostering hatred and division for purely self-serving reasons.  It didn’t just happen on us in the three years Abiy has been in power. But you spent two paragraphs setting the scene of a jilted envoy who didn’t get to lecture an African in the manner he has been accustomed to. This could have used a couple more sentences.

Even the election on Monday, once billed as the country’s first free vote and a chance to turn the page on decades of autocratic rule, has only highlighted its divisions and fueled grim warnings that Ethiopia’s very future is in doubt.   

“Once billed?” Remember, this went out before the elections. Not even one vote was cast and it is already in the “once billed” gulag. Mr. Walsh, Trump style, does not feel obligated to ex[plain who has been fueling grim warnings? Who benefits from a fractured Ethiopia? Who has the most at stake from doubting, get this, Ethiopian’s very future. "Some say..". that there are people who are saying.."  This is a dangerous fan to flame, and Mr. Walsh regrettably comes off as a lightweight who is echoing talking points. But if Judith Miller can do it, I guess anyone can.

Mr. Abiy has put a brave face on his nation’s problems, repeatedly downplaying the Tigray conflict as a “law and order operation” and pushing his vision for a modernized, economically vibrant Ethiopia. The United States, which gave Ethiopia $1 billion in aid last year, is pressuring him to shift focus immediately.

Actually, what Abiy is telling the United States is, “Look what I made in ‘I don’t care’ camp.” Something else is happening here because few people put $1 billion in jeopardy. And what is it that the US is pressuring him on? And let’s not kid ourselves, it’s not human rights. Mr. Feltman venerated Meles the Zeles, for Godssake. So what is the pressure towards because it is clear away from modernization and economic vibrancy? Because one of the biggest talking points of Mr. Feltman’s former boss and TPLF fangirl, Susan Rice, was basically “human rights-schmuman rights—Ethiopia’s economy is on fire.” What is different this time?

The G7, trailing China’s belt and road initiative by a few decades, just announced a pledge of $80 billion dollars. The West is realizing it is not the only game in town, and Abiy might know this. Abandoning Ethiopia is against the US’ interests, and Abiy might also know that as well.

But we digress. There is more palace intrigue that shall henceforth be known as “Abiy and Jeff’s Great Adventure.”

After being chauffeured around Addis Ababa by Mr. Abiy in May, Mr. Feltman wrote a detailed analysis of his trip for President Biden and other leaders in Washington, even mentioning a sudden jolt by the vehicle that sent coffee spilling on the envoy’s shirt.

Okay. Now Mr. Feltman is just being bitchy. But in all fairness, no other African chauffer Mr. Feltman has ever had has ever spilt coffee on him.

Just so we are clear, Mr. Walsh, is it possible to find out if President Biden read this report? And was his reaction anything close to… “These young hippity-hoppity people with their galivanting … and the things with the cups and the lids that never fit. Get Jeff-y on the phone. I want to know if he was able to get the coffee stain out… It’s anarchy, I tell ya. Anarchy.”

No? Not even close. Okay. But I believe you have more to say…

Weeks later, Secretary of State Antony J. Blinken imposed visa bans on unnamed Ethiopian officials.

Can someone wake me up when the pissing contest is over—as riveting as it is, of course. But in fairness, no one puts Feltman in a corner. Whoever you are who got banned better be sending out many Brooks Brothers shirts as an apology.

Other foreigners have left Ethiopia concerned that ethnic cleansing was underway. Pekka Haavisto, a European Union envoy who visited in February, told the European Parliament last week that Ethiopian leaders had told him “they are going to destroy the Tigrayans, that they are going to wipe out the Tigrayans for 100 years.”

And there it is again. I dunno. Did Mr. Haavisto somehow… forget that Ethiopian officials said this to him… in February? A week before elections he remembered a loud confession, said to his face about… what? 

The way TPLF activists are putting it, and happily and very irresponsibly repeated here by Mr. Walsh, is the imminent presence of an all out war on  Ethiopians of Tigray decent. The war is with TPLF-- the same entity that introduced the notion that your ethnicity has to be on your ID. Think about that. Think about if on our driver's licenses in the US we would have to have our ethnicity added as a marker. Who would stand for that? 

Ethiopia is also the the only country in the world who has provinces marked by ethnicity. This is what the West thought was a capitol idea. It is ludicrous to say no Tigrayan has been displaced or killed during this war. What we are saying is, TPLF is the granddaddy of ethnic hatred. You lullaby this for 27 years, and some of will come back to you. The difference is, many of us have been crying about this for years. The media is only listening now. Why is that?  

Global condemnation of Mr. Abiy, 44, most recently at last week’s Group of 7 summit, represents a dizzying fall for a young leader who until recently was globally celebrated.

By “global condemnation” it's more likely that Mr. Walsh is referring to Western condemnation. It’s like the World Championships. It is the West that is clutching its pearls on a fainting couch. Falling out of favor with Western governments does not represent a “dizzying fall,” Mr. Walsh. I know in your world it is all equal. But a longer lens and perhaps a little research would have been helpful here. You know who the West had vaunted? Issayas Aferwerki and Meles Zenawi—I believe the phrase used was “Renaissance Men.” That has not aged well. We might disagree on that.  

The whirl of reforms he instituted after being appointed prime minister in 2018 were a sharp rebuke to the Tigray People’s Liberation Front, a party of rebels turned rulers who had dominated Ethiopia since 1991 in an authoritarian system that achieved impressive economic growth at the cost of basic civil rights.

Which the US had no problem with, is what that paragraph needed to end with. And notice how TPLF’s atrocities is couched- cost of basic civil rights. Hmmm. How is what TPLF did (for 27 years!) not ethnic cleansing and this kind of sanitizing is just la-dee-daa “perhaps some liddel-beedy basic civil rights” were violated?

But in moving swiftly, Mr. Abiy also unleashed pent-up frustrations among ethnic groups that had been marginalized from power for decades — most notably his own group, the Oromo, who account for one-third of Ethiopia’s 110 million people. 

So, he should have slowed his roll on reform? He moved too quickly to reform? And he did not please the hardline part of Oromoists whose stance was basically, “You are one of us; it’s our turn; give us everything.” And we can say this a million times in many ways, but it will never be heard because of the vernacular established and then parroted: the lumping of Oromo as one neat group is incorrect. There are very few Ethiopians who fall neatly in one ethnic group. The TPLF’s policy forced people to choose a side and now all of us are part of a subset first. A modernized version of the one-drop rule.

We have to do this in two parts, boys and girls. It gets better.

 

Sunday, June 20, 2021

The One Grieving Stage of the TPLF

 



Dear TPLF: 

Youse guys are not having a good past couple of few years. Remember when your Dear Leader Meles Zenawi said something like, “If you want to come at us, do it like we did: by the gun.” And you all had a hearty laugh…

Oopsy.

So, wha’ha’happen is, it appears that some rando whipper snapper said, “Hold my Nobel Peace Prize” and went on to give you low-key shellacking of epic proportions. And now, after having just gotten used to seeing all your obnoxious honchos sitting on crushed-velvet-and-rhinestone armchairs, we are watching gripping perp walks of vaunted TPLF leaders paraded in front of us in ill-fitting jumpsuits after being dragged out of caves.

No bueno.

Listen, that must have hurt. To be routed like that… separated so cruelly from your hardcore nouveau riche excesses and bedazzled camouflage pants... to be picked off by said whipper snapper as if you were petulant children who finally had to be slapped around… who wants that? No one, that’s who. (We will ask you what happened later. As in, how in the every F’s did Abiy manage to make you bend the knee? Yep--  Game of Thrones reference. SorryNotSorry.)  

So now you have skipped several steps in the grieving process and gone from ouch to burn-this-mother-down in 30 seconds. You are so blinded by anger and revenge that you are on a ruthless quest to bring down Ethiopia.

When will you learn?  

It has been fascinating to watch the past few months where TPLF operatives have been rabidly throwing fistfuls of excrement on the wall to see what sticks. Meanwhile, Abiy, in Hall-of-Fame trolling of the savage kind, went about his business as if he just didn't crush TPLF and its merciless three-decade rule. 

As the philosophers Key and Peele put it, "insubordinate... and churlish."  

So TPLFers washed down several ADHD meds with whiskey and sprite and lobbed. Genocide? Anyone for genocide? Ethnic cleansing… anyone want to talk about ethnic cleansing? No, not the ones committed by the TPLF. What about... chemical warfare

Hell hath no fury like a sociopath scorned.

And because the media in the west has been salivating for another genocide in Africa (it’s been too long, guys?), and because the UN is now a failed state that needs any kind of crises to deflect from its incompetence, everybody jumped on the carousel and merrily went on about parroting accusations from drama queens who would rather fortify the image of Africans unable to resist a good ethnic cleaning than do the right thing—slink away with the hundreds of millions they stole and retire in DC and Denver in houses with preposterously massive chandeliers.

TPLF has fast-forwarded from Stage One of grief (shock and disbelief) and built a thorny nest on Stage Five (anger) and is refusing to budge even as the tide turns. TPLF is like the Arizona recount of the US elections: comical in the way that using X-rays to see if ballots were made from bamboo is ha-ha-ha, but serious in that it wants to carpet bomb democracy after a sound defeat.

Dear TPLF,

And it gives us no pleasure giving you advice. j/k- we do.

You are trying to do what bigger armies have not been successful in doing. In the throes of your rule, when you were at your most powerful, you constitutionally dived Ethiopia into ethnic clusters. Like colonial powers in Africa, you systematically wrought division on a population and sat back and watched it work for a while. But even then, you had to be reduced to pettiness like imprisoning superstar Teddy Afro who became wildly popular for singing about a united Ethiopia.

We know you were busy with the inflicting of brutality and the distorting of history. It’s a thankless job. We get it (not really). But what you could not solve for in 27 years was how to destroy that crazy, intangible, visceral, irrational, prevailing, annoying love Ethiopians have for Ethiopia. And if you could not destroy that when you had every possible power at your disposal, what makes you think you can now?

You are trying to stay relevant through terror and lies because it is the only thing you know. The thing is, the Ethiopian people are over paying for your unresolved childhood traumas. And a new generation is telling you, clearly, that Winter is Coming.  

Signed,

All of Us